Here’s the thing.

It’s so hard to always be the listener. The one who is always trying to be there for everybody. Because when it’s your turn to need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, people would only say, “It’s okay, Grace. You’re strong anyway.” But what if I’m too tired of being strong? What if I’m too tired of trying to be happy and perky all the time. Because there comes a point when I’m just tired of it all. There comes a time when all the advice I tell other people just don’t make sense to me.

Being a listener, I only have a select few that I actually talk to. But now, all of them are pre-occupied or some other:

• My mom: Is part of the problem
• My best friend since forever: half-way across the world
• One of our church pastors: Has a lot on her plate right now (though I’m sure she’ll never turn me away when I go to her for help)
• My other best friend: I’ve been estranged to for over a year now (caused by someone she knows)
• Our college’s guidance councilor last year: left for somewhere

And so now, I’m left to my own devices, sitting in front of the laptop because that’s all I ever seem to do these days.

I’m tired of always feeling lost. I’m tired of feeling like I’m heading nowhere in particular. Because it’s one of those times again when I feel like I’m walking through a seemingly endless tunnel with no assurance of ever seeing a light again.

(Source: saccharinedreams)